There are some cases where your spouse has left home because he or she honestly believes this is the best path to take to heal the pain, get the feelings back, and rebuild your marriage. And, in some cases, you may agree with your spouse that this is the best thing for your marriage.
 Cases like this often occur when one person has done something that truly damages the relationship, as in cases of infidelity.
When a spouse cheats on his partner, and is honestly remorseful for what he has done, he may come to the conclusion that the only way he can win you back is if he takes some time away so that you can heal your injured feelings. Again, you may even agree with your spouse that this is the best path to take.
In some cases, time apart like this can be helpful. There are situations where one person has been injured so badly that even being in the presence of their partner is too much to bear for a time.
However, if you truly wish to heal and save your marriage, you are going to come to a point where it is time for your spouse to come home so you can start to rebuild. It is only with your spouse at home that you can begin to work toward normalizing your relationship since the “normal” state of affairs for a marital relationship is living in the same house. Here is what I recommend you do to start moving toward that goal.
If both of you are willing, meet with each other as often as you possibly can. Just start dating each other again. If you have children, sometimes you will have to have family activities. Other times, and as often as possible, go out and have fun with
each other. Spend as much time together as you possibly can. In addition to this I suggest you set up separate times (times other than your dates) when you have substantive talks about your relationship and what you need to do to rebuild. There are plenty of tools for how to do this in Save My Marriage Made Remarkably Simple.
You can use the techniques in that book to help you figure out what you should address in these conversations. If necessary, you can have these talks over the phone (though generally doing it in person works better). But you should definitely meet in person regularly and date. This piece is critical.
If your split is indeed the result of an affair, the injured party should be the one to decide when and how the two of you should move back in together. Don’t wait too long to make this step. If you are going to rebuild your marriage you will need to learn to be able to live together again and ultimately there is only one way to do that.
In the meantime, go on dates together, and try to have a good time with one another again. This will help you start to heal and help you both realize how much you enjoy being with one another once again.
|
