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Stop Divorce
Spouse leaving home.
There are some
cases where your spouse has left home because he or she
honestly believes this is the best path to take to heal the
pain, get the feelings back, and rebuild your marriage. And,
in some cases, you may agree with your spouse that this is
the best thing for your marriage.
Cases
like this often occur when one person has done something
that
truly damages the
relationship, as in cases of infidelity.
When a spouse
cheats
on his partner, and
is honestly remorseful for what he has done, he may come to
the conclusion that
the only way he can win you back is if he takes some time
away so that you
can heal your injured feelings. Again, you may even agree
with
your spouse that
this is the best path to take.
In some cases, time
apart like this can be helpful. There are situations
where one person
has been injured so badly that even being in the presence of
their partner is
too much to bear for a time.
However, if you
truly wish to heal your marriage, you are going to come to
a point where it is
time for your spouse to come home so you can start to
rebuild.
It is only with
your spouse at home that you can begin to work toward
normalizing
your relationship
since the “normal” state of affairs for a marital
relationship is living in the same house. Here is what I
recommend you do to start moving toward that goal.
If both of you are
willing, meet with each other as often as you possibly can.
Just start dating each other again. If you have children,
sometimes you will have to have family activities. Other
times, and as often as possible, go out and have fun with
each other. Spend as much time together as you possibly can.
In addition to this I suggest you set up separate times
(times other than your dates) when you have substantive
talks about your relationship and what you need to do to
rebuild. There are plenty of tools for how to do this in
Saving
Your Marriage Made Remarkably Simple.
You can use the techniques in that
book to help you
figure out what you should address in these conversations.
If necessary, you can have these talks over the phone
(though generally
doing it in person
works better). But you should definitely meet in person
regularly and date. This piece is critical.
If your split is
indeed the result of an affair, the injured party should be
the one to decide when and how the two of you should move
back in together. Don’t wait too long to make this step. If
you are going to rebuild your marriage you will need to
learn to be able to live together again and ultimately there
is only one way to do that.
In the meantime, go
on dates together, and try to have a good time with one
another again. This will help you start to heal and help you
both realize how
much you enjoy being with one another
once again.
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