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The More You Want Get, The Less You Are Likely to Get

When Your Spouse Wants to Get

Involved with Someone else

There are other cases where your partner is currently involved with a paramour or is interested in getting involved with someone else and has moved out to make more time and space to be able to do this.

Needless to say, it is much more difficult to get your spouse to come home in this kind of situation than it is in the first scenario. Nonetheless, there are some strategies you can try if you are invested in getting your marriage back together.

To define what you have to do to get your marriage back together I actually need to clarify this scenario a little bit further. In cases where your spouse has moved out because of a paramour there are two potential subgroups you may fall in to:

1. You still have contact with your spouse.

2. You no longer have contact.

Let’s take each of these subgroups in turn.

If you are in a situation where you still have contact with your spouse, you are going to want to follow a protocol that is similar to the exercise I gave you in section 1 of Saving Your Marriage Made Remarkably Simple for getting your partner reinvested in your relationship. Here’s what you do.

Start by dressing a little bit better than you usually do. If you already dress

well, this step may not be necessary, but generally I would suggest you make a

point of dressing “preppy-casual” on a regular basis. Wear khakis and a button

down shirt, or a nice skirt and blouse. Bathe daily; keep your hair trimmed and

neat. If you are a woman, you might put on a little makeup. Basically, dress

yourself up a little bit.

If you aren’t “preppy,” wear your best pair of jeans and button down shirt. Dress one step above how you usually dress.

Once you have done this, you are going to want to engage in some activities that stimulate a bit of mystery. You want your partner to begin to wonder about you again—get them intrigued with who you are and what you are doing.

The reason you are going to do this is to break through the preconceived

notions your spouse has of you. At this point your spouse likely thinks that they

have known you so long that they can tell exactly what you are going to do at any

moment. They might even think they can tell exactly what you are thinking, too.

They may have become a little bored with the regular old predictable you, so you

are going to mix things up a little bit.

Go out and spend some time away from home. Don’t be in the house when your spouse would normally expect you to be there. If they come by at certain times, make sure you are out at those times.

When you are away from home go out and have fun. You don’t have to go on a date. Just go out with a friend (it could even be someone of the same gender) to do something fun like seeing a movie or having dinner. You might even go to a dance with a friend of the same sex and dance with whoever is there. Of course, you don’t want to flirt too much because you are trying to rebuild your marriage. Even if your partner isn’t remaining exclusive at this point, you have to if you are going to rebuild your marriage. But you can still go out and have a good time.

You could even go out by yourself if you want to, as long as you can have a good time by yourself. You don’t want your partner to get information that you are out by yourself and looking sad. Instead, you are trying to promote an image of yourself as a fun, slightly unpredictable person.

You want to remind your spouse of the fun-loving person he or she married. Or, if you don’t consider yourself to be a fun-loving person, you want to show your spouse that you could be a fun-loving person if he were to come back to you. But you can’t say this to him. You can only prove it through your actions and appearance.

This is why you want to go out and have a good time with other people in a way that your spouse can’t quite predict. Don’t do anything illegal, immoral, or objectionable to you. You want people who know you to get the idea that you are out having a good time without him. He may hear this from friends or family or from your children or from no one, it doesn’t matter. When he sees you, look happy and unconcerned about your relationship with him. Either way, the goal is the same: Create and maintain a sense of mystery.